Drunken Places

If you love a flower don’t pick it up, because if you pick it up it dies and it ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation.  

Oshe

Today it’s on my mind.

♦♦♦♦♦

You kept repeating it, as if I didn’t hear you the first time or you were unsure I understood.

“I don’t love you”, you’d mutter, “not like I love her.”

It wasn’t until you frantically shouted, “I can’t , I can’t” that I established you weren’t reminding me, but convincing yourself. It was an argument not between us, but between your fear and your heart.

“I know, I know, please go lay down”, I pleaded as you stumbled from the ground. I took your hand and led you to a bed so maybe you would sleep off the drunken thoughts. Of course it didn’t work; your mind had never been this free. You called me by name, and when I answered you sat up and placed my hands in yours.

“I’m sorry”, you breathed. I could smell the drink you mixed earlier. Before I could ask why you started rambling and my eyes began to flood. “It’s not fair, ya know? Like. You don’t deserve this. I know I hurt you really bad, and I didn’t mean to.” You were choking on your words when I cut you off.

“It’s okay, I’m not angry with you, I understand.” With that you stood up and wrapped your arms so tight around my waist the last time we were that close you had me pinned against my truck.

The moment was particularly sloppy. You were wasted, I was buzzed, we were both crying, and I was trying to hold you up. Although it was in that moment I saw parts of you few did, and I continued to love you with every bit of my being.

“I don’t know when I’m going to be able to do this again”, you whispered. So I squeezed a little harder and made the moment last a little bit longer, but it wasn’t enough. We exchanged ‘I love you’s and I headed for the door. I paused at the doorway and looked at you thinking, how did I ever get so lucky as to have an angel in my life?

“Hey one more thing”, and as I prepared to grab you water you caught me off guard, “I’m glad you were my first kiss.”

That’s when it happened. I smiled, genuinely, for the first time in months and the last time for a while.